The Christian Vanguard

My uncle is dying. If he were to die tonight, I would have no doubt he would land in hell. I feel partially responsible because when I was a teen, I took his vulnerable soul and introduced him to Satanism, and encouraged him to denounce his Catholic, even if nominal, faith. So now, I have to consider what options are available to me so that I may undo my damage and help save him.  My options are few, if any, and prospects do not look good. For now, all I can do is wait. And pray. Can I hope? I don't know.  Last week, when I was teaching Catechism for the teens, I was going through the theological virtues, and I had some difficulty trying to explain hope to them. I gave the very basic, "It's a combination of desire and expectation of something good, in our case, communion with God." As far as I can tell, this is adequate, but I don't know that I fully comprehend it. Is it not presumptuous to expect God to save me? On what do I base this expectation? Probability? ...

Last night I had one of the most satisfying dreams ever, in which I got to see and play with a great friend that I lost last year. I was walking down the neon lit street into a middle class neighborhood when I bumped into my friend Julia. I haven't seen her in almost a year, so naturally I am thrilled to see her again. She expresses hesitation to dialogue with me, but I try to assure her that I am up to no funny business and that I'm genuinely happy to see her again. Somewhat skeptical, she allows me to walk her to a cafe where she was scheduled to do a spoken word poem (which is odd because that's not like her to do). Afterwards, we hung out and laughed a lot.  I woke up almost in tears because such great happiness was over and learned to be unreal. I love dreaming. Rarely do I get nightmares. But what this all points to, and what I take consolation in, is the hope that at the end of history, I get to be reunited with all my lost friends, Julia included. 

I am at that age where I, as a single man, observe his friends getting married and starting families, and begin to wonder, is there something wrong with me? The same week I broke up, like, three of my friends got engaged, including one who was single only three weeks earlier. I was happy for them all, but I didn't feel comfortable seeing all that. Of course, you hear the well-meaning but naive lines such as, "It's okay to be single" or "You shouldn't put your confidence in a partner" or the rage inducing, "God is enough."  These all sort of betray a kind of anti-marriage view, and I've noticed a lot of this philosophy comes from emotionally hurt women and people that were duped by the Sam Harris wave that hit Protestantism a few years ago. I say duped because while everyone was distributing Harris' book,  I Kissed Dating Goodbye, encouraging people to be single forever and follow Harris' model, Harris found himself a wife.