Christian Slogans

I’m not fond of slogans. They discourage critical thinking. Well, maybe they just discourage thinking, period. You’ll find slogans everywhere like, “The gap between the rich and the poor is getting bigger” and “I may disagree with what you say, but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it!” Of course, a moments thought will tell you that the rich getting richer and the gap is widening says something to the rate of growth of both groups, not necessarily one at the expense of the other, and as for the latter, I don’t think your average Joe will throw himself on a grenade for my right to say something like the Constitution ought to be read with original intent. They’re conversation stoppers, and unduly so. Those particular slogans have been dealt with at length elsewhere. In the Christian community there are a couple I’ve heard repeated over and over again that I want to address. 

“Jesus would/n’t do that.” This is uttered as a guide for our lives, though it is more often than not said to another as guide for their lives instead of ours. What Jesus would or wouldn’t do is not the end all as a model for our lives. There are things that Jesus would do that I should not do, like sacrifice myself for the sins of the world. That’d be blasphemous. There are many things Jesus would do, but didn’t simply because the occasion did not call for it, yet he would expect us to do. For example, there is no record of Jesus killing anybody. I don’t think he did because he had a certain mission, and that is to save people from his own condemnation, and so killing them would hasten that judgment, and not prolong it. So, we don’t imagine Jesus’ thirty something years on earth killing anyone. However, it is clear that Jesus does expect us to use lethal force when it comes to self-defense and war. Jesus tells the disciples to carry swords (lethal weapons) and that government carries the sword (lethal force) to punish evil (Romans 13). So, while Jesus would do this in principle but didn’t due to his focus on a particular mission, he does expect us to carry out lethal force. If that example is too controversial, take marriage. Jesus didn’t get married, and considering his mission, he probably wouldn’t. That is no reason though to infer that he wants everyone else to not get married. So what Jesus would or would not do is not entirely relevant. What we should ask instead is, What would Jesus have me do? 

“To the pure all things are pure.” This is usually said in defense of someone’s activity that is obviously in bad taste and probably sexually sinful. However, when you read Titus, it isn’t immediately obvious that sexuality is being talked about. Although sexuality can fit into the categories of purity, not all things dealing with purity are about sexual matters. But for sake of argument, let’s cede that sexuality is the topic. Let’s say I go to Hooters. Hooters claims to be a family restaurant, but, LOL. Then say my friend says that’s a bad idea, due to some of the sexual temptation and I reply with, “To the pure all things are pure” and walk inside. I’ve uttered a premise and reached the conclusion that this will indeed be pure for me, but the unspoken premise is, I am myself pure. But I would never in a million years dare say I am pure. Nope, I’m quite the sinner and Jesus is quite the savior. When pressed, I don’t see many people declaring themselves pure so unhesitant. So, if to the pure all things are pure, and I’m not pure, then it follows I have no guarantee I will enter Hooters safely. I could, that’s possible, but not for certain. Besides, if thought is given to the Hooters girls, they don’t dress all that bad. From the feet to about the mid-chest, they’re actually covered up. They have stocking, but those are pretty thick. You think you’re seeing skin, but I’ve seen some hints of peach color on the black waitresses, so the stocking they wear are pretty thick and not so transparent. It only gives that illusion because the stockings are colored like lighter skin. So, compared to a day at the beach with bikini girls to which we’re all accustomed to, I’d say Hooters is quite modest. But my point is, no one is pure. 

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that I don’t trust Satan.” This is usually when one looks for permission from another. For example, if my girlfriend wants to have lunch with a guy I don’t like, I can say this slogan, and under some false sense of security, she will cancel lunch. But that’s exactly what it is, false. “I don’t trust Satan…” to do what, exactly? To lead me into heaven? Of course not. What the person means is, I trust Satan will do something to harm you. But this ignores another reality, that of God. Does this mean you don’t trust God to protect you? Why do you think Satan works in the world but God doesn’t? Do you not trust God either? We can respond with the rhetorical, “You don’t trust Satan, but I trust God” and now you look like some pagan buffoon for invoking Satan instead of God. 

“Will you pray about it?” This is subtle and not always used incorrectly. There are times when you do need to pray about stuff. Yet, there are times when asking such a question is rhetorical and condescending. For example, if I refuse to loan money to an individual, and I am asked over and over again, and I deny it over and over again, the other can ask me to pray about it. I have two basic answers, Yes and No. What, am I going to say “No, I won’t pray about”? That sounds too arrogant and close-minded. But by saying yes, I am ceding certain propositions. I am implicitly admitting that I have not yet prayed about it and so I am relying on my own strength, which may not even be the case at all. It’s like asking, “Will you stop beating your wife?” If I say no, that sounds bad, if I say yes, I am giving in to the idea that I am in fact beating my wife, which may not be the case to begin with! Or one I like to pull on some of the guys, I’ll say, “Hey bro, how’s your husband?” and he’ll be like “I don’t have a husband” and I’ll reply, “You are right when you say you have no husband. The truth is, you have had seven husbands…” Also, there may a psychological trick at play here. We get the feeling that God is like super nice and sentimental and so when we pray to God when we were asked to, we are being tricked into praying to a God that has implicitly already against us, and so to ask God if we want to do this thing we really ought not to do, we will likely walk away from that prayer being all sentimental and nice and sugarcoat everything at the cost of being wise and discerning. We already begin to pray to a God that stacks the deck against us, and that ought to be exposed. So, if someone wants $350 bucks from me and I know he’s immoral and reckless and whatnot, and he says, with puppy eyes, “Will you pray about it?” it won’t do. See through the subtle rhetoric of this question.