Beauty & Love

Roger Scruton has this illustration about beauty which I think I may have a version of for a few years. Scruton says that a woman tells you she's wants that peach from the peach bowl. So you hand her a random peach, and she refuses it. No, she tells you. If her desire was to eat it then sure, any peach would have sufficed. But she does not desire the peach to eat, but for its beauty. She does not wish to observe it and when she gets all the relevant data she tosses it to the side as any other peach. She just wants it. That is the only peach that will satisfy. To not recognize that is not grasp the power and effects of beauty.

I think I was taught the same lesson many years ago. 

I was in a car with a mentor of mine. I was still in high school, and dating this girl. My mentor, he tells me, "Adrian, if you don't think you have the most beautiful girl in the world, it's not going to work out." I thought he was being impossible. Of course I could never think my girlfriend was the most beautiful girl in the world. Has he seen a Victoria Secret runway show!? No way I could ever think she was beautiful as they were! 

But as time went on, and I stayed longer with my girlfriend, I discovered he was right. It was strange to observe myself and be self aware of this change. I came to believe that my girlfriend was the most beautiful girl in the world and I wouldn't trade her for anyone else. Not even a half naked Victoria Secret model. 

See, like the peach, I didn't want my girlfriend for some end or purpose that any other girl could have done. If I wanted physical attractedness, I would have dumped her for a more attractive woman every chance I got. But no other girl would do. Out of all the girls in the world, out of all the peaches in the bowl, I wanted that one.

In fact, I even told her that. I asked, "Do you know how many people are in the world, Mayra?" 

"No. Three billion?"

"Maybe. I thought it was like seven billion."

"Why do you ask?"

"Because out of all those billions of people, I think you're the most beautiful one." 

"Is there something wrong with your eyes?" 

"Why?" 

"Because it's like twitching or something." 

"Oh, yeah, I have something in my eye."

"OMG, did you just fail at winking at me?"

"No." 

Actually, yes. But that's not my point. My point is, my perception of her changed, and I don't know why. Is she beautiful because I loved her, or did I love her because she's beautiful? As I've written before, being influenced by Pruss, it seems the latter cannot be the case. So, it's interesting. It's a very valuable lesson I kept with me since my senior year of high school. I wish more people knew it and weren't so shallow.