Rejection
It was my good friend's wedding, and I was one of his groomsmen. I was sitting at a reception table with some of the bridesmaid and I choose one to focus my attention on. I ask her about her interests and where she's from. I learn that she will soon be transferring to CSULB and I enthusiastically offer to show her around my city and take her to Mass if needed. I'm genuinely interested in her artwork and after a while, I ask her to dance.
She said she would dance when dance music would come on. Of course, she was this white girl from like Temecula or something, so, obviously she didn't know that the Mexican music that was playing at the moment was indeed dancing music (and the groom was Mexican, and the bride even gave her toast in Spanish, so, whatever). But I decided to let that cultural faux-pas pass. Maybe she meant like electronic dance music.
Later that night, I had some of the other bridesmaids ask me about a protestant friend of mine, which was offensive to me since they were all Catholic. When I say ask me about him, I mean that they were in some way romantically interested in him (and this friend is so far off the protestant deep end, he actively supports abortion). I didn't give them as much information that I could have.
When I was sitting at a table with the other groomsmen and other philosophically inclined men, the same bridesmaid I had asked to dance earlier walked up to our table and said to us, "You guys are all terrible groomsmen! You haven't danced with any of us bridesmaids!" We all just kinda sat there in silence, expecting some sort of command to follow. We knew what was coming next, but for whatever reason, we weren't going to play along. So after a moment, she continues, "So who is coming to dance with us?"
I shot up. After all, I did request to dance with her earlier, and now she expressed the desire to dance, so, naturally, I took the opportunity. However, when I shot up, her posture remained. Instead of gesturing towards me and acknowledging me, she continued to look at the other groomsmen. And I stood there. In silence.
So awkward. Too awkward. I decided to break some of the tension by actually walking to the dance floor, and she would follow suit. She did not. She remained at the table. I remained on the dance-floor, two-stepping through my humiliation. And it was humiliating. She was communicating was, "Oh god, please, anybody but you."
And she returned to the dance floor without any groomsmen, and to her posse of bridesmaids, still with no acknowledgment of my waiting for her.
I realized at that moment, or perhaps shortly before, that the groomsmen were ridiculously handsome. I was not. Cheap haircut, thrift store suit, shoes coming apart, with pants that probably are too tight on my waist. Everyone else was well groomed, angular facial features, fitted suits, and with a solid future. I tried to save face later by following up on her transfer to CSULB, but she was never responsive. It was a humiliation I don't wish on my worst enemy.
I say all this because I have this woman on social media, and as of late, she's been pretty active, whereas when I originally added her at the time of the wedding, she was not. And the old feeling of humiliation and rejection has since reoccurred and has been bothering me, and I am not sure what I want to do. I feel like deleting her is petty, and I don't want to be petty. Keeping her is forcing me to relive the experience, and I don't want to do that either. I want it to not bother me, but how? It is my ego that is the problem? Or am I genuinely right in being offended? I dunno.
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