Rebounding

It has been advised to me, by a few people, that a part of the healing process for a breakup is to get into a rebound relationship. A rebound relationship is a relationship that you enter into that isn't too serious, if at all. When I showed my friends a photo of my ex's new boyfriend to see whether they thought he had a punchable face (unanimous agreement: he does), they suggested that he may just be a rebound, and so maybe I should get in on that rebound plan too. It's bad advice, I think. Like, horrid advice, even if somewhat amusing. It suggests using another person. And we shouldn't use people so selfishly. 

But I wonder if I'm already doing that. Not long after my ex broke up with me, I was curious to see if she was active on Catholic Match. She was. That she put herself in a search mode so soon after our relationship hurt to see. Was I so insignificant? Was I so replaceable? So expendable? Did she even mean it when she said she loved me? I may never get answers to these questions (and I have asked her) and now I have to figure out what to do with myself and where to go from here, and it is difficult when one severs a relationship and you're in the dark as to why. It is difficult to know what to change and what to improve on when you aren't told what the problem was (grief recovery classes help, but they don't answer the fundamental questions). And with no information to work with, I too hopped onto Catholic Match, re-downloaded some dating apps, and started going out a bit more. Even had friends set up entire BBQs so that I can meet their one friend they think I would be good with (an effort I very much appreciate and will never forget). But, to what end? Is that me going on the rebound?

I don't want to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. I'm not so lonely I will take any warm body. A prostitute can fulfill that role, and I'm not buying any of them any time soon. I know a handful of Protestant girls who might like to be taken out, but I will not shame my religion in doing so (yes, Catholics dating non-Catholics is objectively shameful). I know a good Catholic woman would like to go with me but isn't open to life. I want a relationship because I think God has made that part of His plan for my salvation. And my role as a husband is to be part of someone else's plan of salvation as well. But, I know I'm broken, and I'm broken up. But how? Which parts? How can I know? Here, something of a case can be made for rebounding. I can find out what those broken parts are by trying another relationship. I can better myself, and perhaps teach the other something along way, if we decide not to stay together after all. And that is how I will know.

But again, I don't want to carry any baggage from a previous relationship into a new one, not just for myself, but to do justice to the other. That wouldn't be fair to her. So, where am I? Where does that put me? It is difficult to discern, and so I beg your prayers, all five of my readers. 

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