What Regret Can Teach Us

I have been reflecting on my many regrets lately. The biggest of which is my consumption of carbs. I should have had my sandwich lettuce wrapped instead of on buns. I should have let my girlfriend have my chicken nuggets, instead of consuming them all by myself them like a fatty. So, I go home, and I have remorse. "Why am I like this? Why wasn't I able to control myself?" Plato considers it, and so does Aristotle to some extent. Of course, I was able to control myself. It wasn't like I was sitting down, watching myself on a TV screen, and seeing someone else control my body as if I were being possessed. No one possessed me. If I go to a dinner, and I let myself go, I say I lost control. In a literal sense, I did not lose control, but something did come over me, and that was my appetites (both in Aristotlean sense and in the common sense). My emotions came over me, and I decided to follow that. What we mean by losing control is that we let our reason lose control. What this tells us is that who we are is more closely identified with our faculty of reason and not our appetites, or emotions. When reason loses control, we say we lost control. We are our reason. Think of someone with a strong will. When someone is strong willed, we imagine that he chose to obey his reason over and above his emotions. Not that his emotions are bad, but his emotions aren't in the driver seat. And when we say someone is weak willed, we mean that he allows his emotions, fear, hunger, whatever, to lead his actions. He is like a mere animal, determined by the appetites. He is barely above the beasts. Humans are distinguished for their faculty of reason. 

There are two applications to be had from this. First, in trying to learn about your past mistakes, look to what you regret. I have had difficulty recently trying to discern what went wrong in my last relationship. A way to discern this is to identify my regrets and analyze them. Why are they regrets? What was it that I could have done differently, but didn't? Do that next time. This may or may not be useful as an examination of conscience before bed or before confession. Second, in the popular culture, do not take seriously those who try to make a strong identification with ones feelings. "Though I am a man, I feel like a woman." You are not to be identified with your feelings, as proved above. 

Ideas taken from Steven J. Jensen's fantastic little book Living the Good Life.