Loving Women

C. S. Lewis describes a fascinating scene at the end of my favorite of his works, The Great Divorce. He describes seeing in heaven a beautiful and glorious woman. The protagonist asks his guide, an angel, who she was, thinking it may be Mary. The angel says she was a married woman who earned this glory by being a mother to children she met and a kind of lover to men she met. To qualify this last statement, the angel says that when she met men, the virtuosity that radiated in her character spurred these men to be better husbands for their wives. This always bugged me. I always thought there was a kind of impropriety to it. But, I've changed my mind. 

I was uncomfortable with the thought that a woman could make me a better husband to my wife, whom she was not. I felt, in a sense, that it gave that virtuous woman a particular place and praise that ought to be reserved for your wife. After all, this was like saying I found a better partner, one who is better for me because she makes me a better me. Why then do we call a wife a suitable helper if I found a better helper, you know? Maybe a man could help me be better husband, because he has experience that I can draw from, and so I stay in the pool of men and manhood. But not women. 

So, I always thought Lewis overstepped a boundary in his description. And this description means a lot to me because that final scene in heaven, where she has something of an argument with her passed husband, is one of my favorite scenes in all fiction. It moved me to tears. So, that a moving scene would start off with an uncomfortable description of a character just rubbed me the wrong way. 

But then, it happened to me. 

One drawback of my conversion to Catholicism was that I didn't really have Catholic friends. I don't have many in my area, let alone parish. Just my priest (whom I'm embarrassed to be around because I feel like a failure to him) and an amazingly multi talented and busy mother whom I see as something of a big sister (I just chalk that up to her being Filipino lol). Most of my Catholic friends were two and a half hours away. So, I looked online, and I met a woman, faithful Catholic, and we started talking, and finally agreed to meet up. During our conversations though, I had sneaking suspicion that she may have tried to be a nun. Why do I say that? Because I had another friend who told me she joined a monastery but ultimately decided it was not her calling, and the reverent way they talked was quite unique. Coming out of Protestantism, it was a kind of language I had never heard before. So that's why I thought that. 

And so we met up. And we had lunch. And it was amazing. I felt like I had known her my whole life. We talked about everything. It was strange because she was a philosopher, and I thought we were going to get all nerdy, but we just talked about our lives. The most slow and awkward parts of our conversations were about philosophy and politics. But talking about spiritual things, that really set a fire in my soul, which was totally unexpected.

When I saw her give her leftovers to a homeless man, I knew something was up. So I asked her, and I had to preface it by telling her not to be weird about it, but I asked her if she was ever trying to be a nun. And she yes! And she also happened to be part of the same monastery as my other friend! Small world, eh? I asked her if they knew each other, and they didn't. So, my hunch was right. I thought that was awesome. 

So we talked, and we talked about our past romances, and I was just telling her everything about this girl whom I was trying to convert from my old protestant group, and whether or not I still was just totally crazy over her and how I still sometimes hope we might be married in the future, if she ever converts. A lot of these dates I go on are really just shallow attempts of trying to convince myself I'm okay being single without her. But yeah, all that. And that's not something I just spew out to anyone, I guess is my point here. The grace which she laid on me during that conversation, and her gentle encouraging spirit, and her warmth of hope, it just was so...so...otherworldly. 

We parted ways, and I was on a kind of high. It's a bit hard to explain, but maybe I can demonstrate it. As I was walking to my bus stop, I ran into my best friend's girlfriend. I was just so delighted to see her! I gave her a great big hug, maybe a bit creepy but totally innocent, and I told her, "Thank you for being my best friends girlfriend! Thank you for being that woman to him." Her brother who was standing right there, very protective of his little sister in her newly founded relationship with my best friend, probably wanted to punch me in the face lol. But I would have been okay with that. Because I loved her, and I loved that she loved him, and I wanted that to flourish. 

I continued to walk to my bus stop, and I usually think bad thoughts about these half naked college girls walking everywhere. I'll think something like, 'Look at you, cochina, with your nalgas hanging out. Shame on you.' But no, not this time. This time, I was like, 'Women! You're all so beautiful! Why are you doing this to yourself!? You're worth so much more than what you're degrading yourself to!" And finally, when I got on the bus, I decided to text my love interest, halfway across the country. I just told her how much I appreciated her, and how much I valued her. It probably came off creepy, but for a guy who hasn't had a real girlfriend like ever, it was the best I could do. 

And now, I'm committed to sending her little random texts like that to her every once in a while. Before, I might just say 'sup, but not anymore. It's due to my one encounter with that heavenly woman. I can't really articulate what happened or why I've changed, why I now agree that it is possible to meet a woman who makes you more faithful to all women, and some in particular. But it happened to me, in some phenomenological way, a first hand experience, and I know there is nothing improper about it. Lewis was right. Is that really a surprise though? 

I pray all of you can meet someone like that. It'll change your life.