Loving Through Death

I suffered the death of a friend today. I loved her, and I loved her greatly. We made plans together, to graduate together, to go camping together, to shake the world up for Christ together. Those plans will not come to fruition. Love acts. Love that does not act is not love. And now, I cannot act. So, do I not love anymore? This is an interesting question. 

Dietrich von Hildebrand was married and widowed before he married Alice. From what I am told, there was a great respect on Alice's part for the deceased wife, and presumably, Dietrich still loved his first wife. But is this the same love? It might seem like it. The day before she died, he loved her, and loved her with a spousal love. The day after she died, it's probably also true that he loved her, and loved her with a spousal love. But that kind of love is unitive, and that unity is no longer possible (Maybe that's an argument for an afterlife. If one doesn't continue to exist after death, we cannot love them. We love them. So people continue to exist after death). So, it doesn't seem possible that this love is a spousal love. And in fact, this spousal love seems to be inappropriate to have if one wishes to be remarried. Love is transformed by death. 

And so I continue to love my friend, with all the love I can muster, but it must be transformed through death. 

Speaking of life after death. I have memories of my friend. These are not ever fleeting streams of time pointing in one direction that escapes me the same time I am able to grasp the moment. Time becomes mine, and mine forever. The time I had with my friend is not lost. I have treasured it, and no one can take it away from me. In this way, it is eternal. It is not the Nietzschean Eternal Recurrence. It is living in the present moment, and always living in it. Her, and all memories of her, live with me forever in the now. There is great consolation in this. And it is one that also requires life passing through death, for if we are annihilated at death, then it is lost. We have gained nothing in our lives. It's playing a game without saving progress. No memory, no progress. 

What all this means is that whatever we are meant for, whatever we lack, whatever it is that we desire to be united with, it does not wait for us here, on this side. Our satisfaction and fulfillment is to be found after death. What we do here is of great importance then, because we take everything that we are to the other side. If we have no love, you will not have love to be  fulfilled. If you have no hope, you have no hope to be realized. If you take nothing, you receive nothing. For much is given, and much is expected. The more God gives you, the more he expects. We mustn't squander it on silly things, on arguments that don't matter, on insecurities that no one cares about, on fear and hatred. We mustn't forget to love, even through death.